Animal Crackers: Bob the Bunny

One morning, Bob the Bunny escapes from a science lab.

He sees some other rabbits in a neighboring field and bounds over to them: "Hey guys, I've lived in a lab all my life. Can you show me what bunnies in the wild do?"

"Sure." they reply."We like to eat fresh carrots. Wanna try some?"
"Okay" So Bob hops over and munches down with the others.

After awhile he asks, "So, what else do bunnies do?"
"Well, when we get tired of carrots, we head over to the lettuce patch. Wanna come?"
"Sure," says Bob and hops over and indulges further.

"Wow, guys, lettuce is great."
"Glad you like it, bro, now let's go see what's in the next field."
"Man, I'd love to," says Bob, "but I gotta get back to the lab. I'm dying for a cigarette!"

Animal Crackers: Big Fish, Small Fish

Two friends, Colin and Joe, were in a restaurant and they both ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other.

Colin said, "Go ahead, Joe, help yourself."

"Right", said Joe, and quickly helped himself to the larger fish.

After a bit of a tense silence, Colin blurted out, "You know, Joe, if you had offered
me first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!"

"Well then," replied Joe, "what are you complaining about? That's what you got, didn't you?"

Animal Crackers: The Preacher & The Parrot

A preacher walks into a pet store and is drawn to a beautiful parrot. He decides to buy it.

"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asks the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

Sure enough, when the preacher gently tugs the strings, the parrot performs beautifully.

"Marvelous!" says the preacher, "What happens if you pull both strings?"

The parrot screeches: "I fall off my perch, you fool!"